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My sister and my brother are my best friends and to come home and not be able to tell them that my heart was breaking and to just smile and say "You'll just have to watch and see" was the hardest thing that I've ever had to so.The only thing that just happened to be to my benefit was that Brad did [ask the producers to] fly my dad out there -- apparently to ask my dad's permission [to marry me] and it never happened -- so luckily my dad was there that night, after the final Rose Ceremony.

I guess this morning when I woke up it was it little clearer.

Can you understand how the idea that you'd be willing to give Brad another chance might surprise some people?

De Anna Pappas: I guess I can understand that, because I am a very strong and independent person.

But now it's more like well, for myself, I'm trying to figure things out.

Reality TV World: I was expecting to ask you if the special gave you the answers and closure you were looking for, but after watching it, it looks like you weren't really looking for closure, is that right?

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